That is not all.

The world is not getting any better any time soon. I wish I could be optimistic but it’s not happening. I am profoundly lucky, myself, in a lot of ways. In a lot of others, I feel like a prisoner to time and circumstance. This is probably why I haven’t reproduced yet. I can be the wacky uncle but wacky dad doesn’t cut it. 

If forced, what would I say, I’d say: go get yourself a cabin far far away from everybody else. Get yourself a lot of animals, and a variety of musical instruments, and grow your own food. Lose your virginity at like, what, 16? and then become just a pro masturbator, I mean get epic with it for as long as you can and otherwise just wait that shit out, wait until sex and human interaction don’t matter anymore, alone and away. Do not ever read the news. Assume the worst. The rumble you thought you just felt, that was probably an earthquake burying 100,000 people in Seattle, but it’s okay, you didn’t know any of them. That breeze picking up suddenly from the south, that’s half a million people coughing in your general direction, they’ve all got smog poisoning and skin cancer and these days they put chemo into Life Saver form and sell it over the counter, so maybe that’ll blow over soon. Oh, is the humidity up today? That’s just a sign that global warming has submerged half of Florida, which wouldn’t be so bad if we hadn’t run out of fossil fuels to power al the boats we need now. But this is why you’re up on top of a mountain in the first place, isn’t it, far from the coast. Also, get yourself a good bicycle. 

The politics of it all has got me down, I guess. I was reading an article about this huge quote-un ‘compromise’ that the Republican savior Paul Ryan is proposing, which will likely get passed, and basically what it is is the Republicans conceding to stop being dicks so that the rich people can get all the money. So the oil people will get to sell their oil, and in exchange, they won’t completely defund Planned Parenthood. Nor will they try to prevent the EPA from, well, being the EPA, and they won’t tell every hungry Syrian refugee to fuck right off, buddy, they’ve agreed not to be that monstrous. But they would not give up the grouse. That sage grouse will *not* be listed as endangered, you hear me, you lousy liberal shits??

So, politics is: pretend to be the absolute devil, scare the daylights out of anyone who will listen, then back off slightly just in time to make sure your billionaire overlords get theirs. How do we get away with this behavior, we humans? Short answer: we don’t. It will all come back to bite us, eventually.

I’m starting to believe that this is the curse of being the apex predator. With nothing else out there to thin your numbers for you, evolution becomes unfocused and random, which in turn ensures the advancement of… how can I say this without getting all eugenicisty… let’s just say that within all of us, there must exist a certain amount of DNA that in any other species would’ve been bred out a long time ago. The primary proof of this is money. Giving value to the inherently valueless. Try giving a dollar to a dog. No, bad example, dogs will think it’s food… how bout a squirrel, go open your wallet and donate a fiver to the nearest chipmunk and take a photo of the look he gives you in return and post that on Instagram with the hashtag #thisiswhyiworkfortyaweek. 

Why is gold better than silver? Why is diamond more precious than emerald? Trick questions, you simp. Now you get eaten. 

…he says, typing on his Apple laptop, listening to music on his Sony sound system, wearing his Adidas.